One of the biggest things I see in the personal development world is people confusing authenticity or intuition with acting on every feeling they have.
Just because something feels true doesn’t mean it’s coming from your authentic self. Sometimes it’s coming from your wounds and insecurities.
Which is a mahoosive difference.
Your authentic self says:
“This relationship isn’t meeting my needs, so I really need to have an honest conversation with them.” 🗣️
Your insecurity says:
“They didn’t text back for three hours. Maybe they’re thinking about leaving me, or cheating on me. Maybe something bad has happened. Better send seventeen messages, keep tryna call them and stalk their social media.” 🫣
Your authentic self says:
“I don’t want children.” 🤷🏼♀️
Your insecurity says:
“I’ll pretend I want children because I’m scared they’ll leave if I tell the truth.” 😮💨
Your authentic self says:
“I’m not willing to tolerate being treated like this.”
Your insecurity says:
“Maybe I’m expecting too much, I don’t want to rock the boat by speaking my mind.” 🥺
See the difference?
One comes from self-love, self-trust and self-respect. 🥰
The other comes from fear. 😧
A lot of people think they’re being authentic or listening to their intuition when they’re actually just reacting to their emotions.
They’re not speaking from their truth.
They’re speaking from abandonment wounds, rejection wounds, people-pleasing patterns, childhood conditioning, trauma bonds, anxious attachment, or a desperate need to be chosen.
I’ve done it myself.
For years I stayed in relationships because I saw potential instead of reality and I was also unconsciously being driven by never feeling good enough, so I sought all my validation from external sources. 😔
I told myself I was being loyal and understanding.
I told myself I was giving people grace because I knew their past pain.
But the truth was, a lot of the time I was making decisions from insecurity, low self-worth and fear of starting over.
I was dating who they could become instead of who they actually were – while completely ignoring how they were treating me because I was willing to accept the teeniest of breadcrumbs that seemed like love. 💔
Your authentic self doesn’t need to chase, convince, rescue, fix or prove their worth.
Your authentic self knows that healthy love doesn’t ever require you to abandon yourself.
If you’re constantly ignoring your own needs to keep someone around, that’s not authenticity.
You’re just living in survival mode. 🤯
One of my favourite questions to ask myself and my clients is:
“If I 100% loved, honoured, trusted and respected myself, what would I do?” 🤔
That question cuts through the bullshit very quickly.
Deep down, most people already know the answer.
They’re just scared of what happens next.
So before your next big decision, ask yourself:
Is this coming from my authentic self… or my insecurity?
Because one will create peace. The other will keep you stuck in the same lesson over and over again.
READY TO BREAK THE CYCLE?
If you’re questioning whether you’re seeing your relationship clearly or through the lens of old wounds, grab my free PDF:
“10 Signs Your Relationship Is ACTUALLY Toxic”
Or if you’re ready to stop abandoning yourself and finally build real self-worth, check out my online coaching program, Project Self Worth.
You can find the links to both in my bio, along with a bunch of other freebies and ways to work with me.
The goal isn’t just finding a healthy relationship.
The goal is becoming someone who would never abandon themselves to keep one. 😍
I’ve got your back – even when you haven’t.
Much love,
