When I hit 38 after the end of another abusive relationship, I had completely lost trust in my own judgement.
I’d discovered my core wound of abandonment and rejection and… fuck me, did it hurt. 😞
Even after having done a shitload of healing, coaching and other personal development tools since my early twenties, this wound knocked the wind out of me. 💨
I needed time and space to heal.
A lot of space.
Space to reflect on what had happened, why it had happened, and how I’d ended up here again. 🥺
One of the biggest realisations I had was just how many relationships I’d attracted into my life – not just intimate partners, but friendships and even colleagues – where manipulation, coercion and emotional control had become normal.
I felt confused about why I allowed myself to stay in relationships for so long after seeing the red flags and ignoring them. I told myself it was love and when I confronted them about their behaviour they manipulated their way out by justifying it. Because I wanted it to work, I believed them. 🚩
Eventually, after years of gaslighting, I stopped trusting myself – my judgement, my ability to read people, my decisions about relationships.
When I met Hot Fiance, I’d reached a place where I realised the common theme in my shit relationships was how I’d fallen for the love-bombing and caught feelings quickly with each partner, ignoring the early red flags and brushing off their behaviour as a one-off – I was in a relationship with their potential, not who they were actually being. 🫣
When I commit to someone, I don’t quit easily. With each partner I ended up flogging a dead horse believing the issue in the relationship was me, and that if I just worked hard enough to “fix” myself, things would get better.
But you can’t fix a relationship that isn’t right for you, and if you’re the only one trying to work on it, it will never work out.
So I took things soooo slowly with Hot Fiance. I didn’t want to catch feelings early, so I spent the first year waiting for the red flags to show up. 👀
Over 6 years in – no red flags.
I had to also spend a lot of time building my own self-trust – I did this by tuning in to how I felt with every decision and every conversation (I probably over-analysed things way too much but I felt like I had to at this stage in my life), going with what felt like a yes and setting boundaries with whatever felt like a no. ✋🏼
I stayed consistent with my boundaries, kept my promises to myself, and maintained integrity (one of my highest values) by doing what I said I’d do.
I also made sure I got enough “Carly time” – time to myself to reflect and just be. 🧘🏼♀️
Oh, and I also figured out where my core wounding originated and worked on healing that shit.
That was a mahoosive change for my life.
I’m so happy that I approached our relationship this way, because I not only built trust in myself again but Cam and I built a solid friendship while slowly becoming a couple. 🥰
Self-trust (and trust in our relationship) wasn’t built through grand gestures – it was built through listening to my intuition every step of the way instead of ignoring it.
And if you’re at this stage in your life now too, you can rebuild your own self-trust each time you honour your own boundaries, each time you keep a promise to yourself, every time you choose yourself – even when it’s uncomfortable.
Eventually, all those little moments stack up to create unshakeable confidence. 🫶🏻
Learning to rebuild trust isn’t about making perfect decisions… it’s about believing that no matter what happens, you’ll never abandon yourself for anyone again.
“I just wanted to reach out and say thank you so very much for the sessions we had… it forced me to look deeper and allow myself to be vulnerable. To see where my life has come is incredible… I now have that, I’ve met my perfect person and everything has fallen into place.” – Gaina H
If this resonates for you, you don’t have to do this alone.
Drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help – or check the link in my bio for a bunch of freebies that’ll help you through.
Catcha on the flip side,
