Recently I’ve had a couple of clients talking about how they’re managing their blended families when there appears to be a vast difference in how both parents parent the kids with their new sets of partners.
When you have a couple who are parenting who are very self-aware, they are also very aware of how every little thing they do, conversation they have and response or reaction they have to their kids can be affirming or damaging. 🥺
I also feel like everyone needs to give themselves grace, because we’re all human and life keeps life-ing, we aren’t always present for ourselves let alone when you add the busy-ness of kidlets into the mix.
A self-aware couple will also be trying their best to counteract the known damage occurring in the other household – with my client group this usually entails an abusive or emotionally dysregulated partner they have left who’s then brought their wounds into a new partnership and so now there are two very different sets of parenting going on, which can be so confusing for kids. 🧒
Never underestimate the influence you have on your kids, even if you feel like it may be being “un-done” when they go home to the other parent.
I spent eight years raising my ex-stepson from age 3.5 years old, and I sometimes spent more time with him than his own parents did.
I was years into personal development and spiritual stuff by then and taught him tools to regulate his emotions, how to manifest what he wanted, decluttering, tools to process emotional baggage, how to do Reiki, and we’d have lots and lots of very open and honest conversations where I always let him know his feeling were valid. 🫶🏻
When I left his abusive dad, I never saw my step-son again, but for all these years I’ve always hoped that the eight years we spent together had a positive impact on him – and I recently learned that it does appear to have helped.
I’m so grateful for that. 🥰
When I was chatting to a couple recently they referred to the dinner-table convo’s they have with their kids where they talk about what they’re grateful for, which is awesome.
There are also so many other curious questions you can ask your kids that let them know that mistakes are ok (and normal), “failure” isn’t bad, emotions aren’t bad they’re just information, and that the door is always open for them to talk to you, no matter whether they think they’ll get into trouble or not.
Some questions you can try are:
❓What are you grateful for today?
❓ What mistake did you make today?
❓ What did you learn from it?
❓ What did you “fail” at today and why? What did you learn from it?
❓ What would you do differently next time?
❓ Is there something you need support with right now? Who can support you with it?
❓ What is something about yourself today that you genuinely love and accept about yourself?
❓ Is there something that you’re interested in learning? Why?
You can also try to assign them characters in the books you’re reading to them, and ask them to put themselves in the shoes of that character – why do you think they did what they did there? What do you think they might need? 🧐
I found teaching emotional regulation was really powerful – when getting ready for school in the morning my ex step-son and I would use EFT/tapping – we made it a ritual after brushing our teeth. It really helped him go through some rough times.
I’d love to know from you – is there anything you find helpful when it comes to your own kids?
If anything in this sparked interest for you, drop me a message and let’s chat. 💬
The world needs more kids growing up knowing their emotions aren’t bad, and knowing how to regulate them – imagine a world where we all learned that as kids!
If you want to know more about EFT, I created an EFT cheat sheet for you – you can find it for free in the link in my bio.
Catcha on the flip side,
