How would your life be if you truly loved, honoured and respected yourself?
If you honoured your needs each day?
I find this is a really useful – and often – confronting question to ask my clients, one they get pretty immediate answers to.
I work with a lot of very natural “helper” types – I’m one of those too.
There can be a lot of negatives that come with being a helper type;
- People pleasing
- Not saying no when you should
- Giving to others to your detriment
- Repressing feelings like anger and resentment
- Having shitty boundaries
- Not standing up for yourself and stating your needs, wants and values
- Allowing others to treat you like sh1t
- Failing to speak your authentic truth – even to yourself
- Putting yourself last
- Slipping into “rescuer” mode and enabling them to stay the same
- Prone to burning out and feeling lost, stuck and in limbo
Often, helper types have a block to receiving.
Even receiving compliments can be a challenge for them.
They also get most of their sense of self-worth and validation from helping others.
But what about when this goes wrong?
When you allow others to treat you as anything except the magnificent being that you are?
Gradually, this lack of standing in your own power chips away at your confidence and self esteem.
There’s a serious lack of filling up your own cup, ultimately leading to an empty cup.
You can’t give from an empty cup.
SO HOW DO YOU MOVE FORWARD?
There’s a lot you can do to move forward in this situation.
1. COMMIT TO YOURSELF
The first step is making the commitment to yourself that you’ll do what it takes to step back into your own power.
2. LEARN TO SAY NO AND SET BOUNDARIES
Give up the idea of needing to please others.
When someone asks something of you, instead of saying yes straight away, say “I’ll come back to you and let you know”.
Give yourself the time to actually tune into how you feel about it.
Does it feel like a yes, or a no?
Always go with your gut feeling, it’s ALWAYS right.
If it’s a no, then say it without feeling the need to justify it or make excuses about why you can’t.
Say something like “it doesn’t feel like a yes for me”.
Nobody can argue with that.
Start setting boundaries in all areas – with clients, colleagues, friends, family and partners.
Some are easier than others 🙂
By setting boundaries, we teach people how to treat us.
The same goes for the flip side – if we don’t set boundaries, we let others know they can keep treating us like that.
3. HEAL YOUR PAST
Figure out where your need to please others comes from.
What limiting beliefs are holding you back?
Where did they come from?
Where does your need for approval and validation from others come from?
Often I find clients have fears around being judged, abandoned or rejected.
4. FILL YOUR OWN CUP FIRST
Start accepting compliments without feeling the need to rebuff it or give them a compliment back.
Compliment yourself too!
Spend time in nature, read a book, relax, have a massage or bath, go to the beach, do a face mask or mani/pedi.
Spend time with people who make you laugh and lift you up, where the giving is reciprocated.
5. SPEAK YOUR AUTHENTIC TRUTH
Stop using your inside voice at times when you should be standing up for yourself and speaking your truth.
Don’t like something? Say so.
Don’t want to go to that place for dinner, want to go somewhere else instead? Say so.
Don’t like how they just spoke to you? Say so.
Tell people what you need and want.
Don’t expect anyone to read your mind.
Catcha on the much happier flip side,