If you’ve left an unhealthy/toxic/abusive relationship and you’re wondering why you still feel so shit, your nervous system is likely still fried. 🍳
Survival mode doesn’t just switch off the moment you end the relationship – and the longer you’ve been with your nervous system in overdrive, the more time you’ll need to heal it.
The frazzled-ness lingers in your thoughts, your habits, your reactions… until you finally teach your body and mind that you’re safe now.
Here are 5 ways survival mode keeps showing up even after your toxic ex is long behind you:
YOU OVER-EXPLAIN EVERYTHING
When you’ve spent years with someone gaslighting you to the point where you start gaslighting yourself, over-explaining everything becomes a reflex reaction – you justify, apologise and try everything possible to explain your innocence – even to people who aren’t accusing you of anything.
YOU CAN’T RELAX – EVER
When your nervous system has been running on cortisol, adrenaline, caffeine, over-thinking and emotional rollercoasters for years you can’t handle things being peaceful for long, because it feels like a trick and that the shit is going to hit the fan any minute. 💩
Give yourself grace, time and self-soothing – over time, you’ll rewire your system to recognise calm as safe and normal instead of scary.
YOU JUMP STRAIGHT INTO “I NEED TO FIX THIS” MODE
When you’re used to being the one who tries to manage everyone’s emotions you jump straight into trying to fix or rescue people who you think need help – it’s a great way to avoid thinking about your own issues or feeling what you’re really feeling. 🥺
What kept you safe in the past is just going to lead to burnout if you keep going like that.
It’s time to focus on your own shit and properly heal.
YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR RESTING OR SAYING NO
You’ve had shitty boundaries in the past because you never felt good enough and were taught that love needed to be earned by giving, fixing and doing – and so now, rest feels wrong and boundaries feel like you’re being a bitch.
Guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong – you’re just learning how to set boundaries, and boundaries will protect your peace and help you heal. 🙌🏻
CALM FEELS BORING
When you’ve been used to the chaos of being in a toxic relationship, calm and peace can feel boring, flat and uninspiring. It can feel like something is missing.
But that’s just you detoxing from the toxins of your past relationship.
Give yourself time to get used to it – you will eventually (I did).
Calm and peace is what real love and self-love are built on. 🥰
Healing at this stage in your journey is about helping your body and soul to realise it’s safe to stop fighting – you’re safe to breathe, rest and to love again.
If this hits home, that’s exactly the work we do inside my Project Self Worth program – rewiring your nervous system, healing trauma patterns, and building the kind of self-worth that makes peace your new normal.
It’s time to thrive, babe. 🐦🔥
DM me if you want to chat, or check the link in my bio for a bunch of freebies to help you on your healing journey.
Catcha on the flip side,
