I don’t watch MAFS generally but one of my friends was very insistent this week that I watch what’s unfolding with dickhead (whoops, I mean Adrian) and Awhina, so I set myself up a 9 now account and got stuck into some clips. 🤔
My friend started out as a client quite a while ago now and back then knew nothing about coercive control and domestic abuse.
After quite a few sessions together, I’m proud to say she’s regularly messaging me about stuff she’s seen where she can really clearly see that behaviour happening. 👍🏼
So, I’ve been watching some clips of MAFS today and here’s what I notice about Adrian’s behaviour.
- He talks over the top of her (not interested in hearing her point of view but wants to always make his known); he then asks why she’s getting so defensive (making her out to be the “crazy” one)
- He blamed his behaviour on her by saying “do you not think that the way I’ve acted has nothing to do with how you acted” (instead of taking responsibility for his actions)
- He said things like “you can’t win with these women” (showing negative attitudes towards women in general)
- He constantly deflected and projected his own behaviour onto her (and then told her she was deflecting onto him)
- Tries to gaslight her by giving a different version of events at the family meeting, trying very clearly to get her own sister on his side (isolating you from those you love and making you look “crazy”)
- Tries to control the narrative with everyone, including the psychologists (manipulative, look over there don’t look over here)
- Her sister pointed out “you have so much light in you and I don’t see any of that light today” (because he’s turning her into a shell of herself)
- When it was clear he couldn’t get Awhina’s sister on his side and she started standing up for Awhina to his sisters, he mocked her by saying he was embarrassed of her (belittling her, putting her down, making her feel less than to assert his own dominance)
- When the experts and others called him out on his behaviour he spoke over the top of them, seemingly making noises agreeing with them but wasn’t listening
- He blamed his behaviour on “us men” not knowing how to manage their emotions – it has fuck all to do with being a man, I know plenty of men who are more than able to manage their emotions because they give a shit about doing it
- When Adrian tried to make up for his shit attitude by voting to stay, the experts asked Awhina for her decision and Adrian immediately said “naaah we don’t need it, don’t worry” like a smug fuckwit (making her needs or desires unimportant). When she voted to leave (even saying sorry for her decision, trying to placate him), the various looks on his face told us everything we needed to know. He rolled his eyes, looked uninterested and pissed off
All of the above are examples of abusive behaviour.
Some might say MAFS is all staged; however, there’s also a 2023 TikTok video of Adrian’s friend Jasmine with Adrian in the car saying stuff like “I fucked a girl over there” and “a bitch with the maddest tits lives there”…. sooooo, maybe this is just him after all.
Doesn’t seem to have much respect for women.
I also watched a brief clip of Carina and Paul where Paul had punched a wall and then was on camera crying, saying “she wouldn’t give me my space, so I punched the wall” – whereas she said she went to bed and then he got angry and punched the wall.
First, they punch near you… next time, they punch you.
Abusive people will justify and minimise their behaviour, deflect and play the victim, protect onto others, take zero responsibility for their actions (unless it’s with an agenda and part of the trauma bonding punish-reward cycle and it’s temporary), feel entitled to act the way they do and belittle and degrade women because they think so little of them.
You saw this play out with Adrian’s behaviour towards Awhina, with Awhina responding by attempting to defend herself, then shutting down and going quiet because she realised any efforts to have a conversation were fruitless.
The really shit thing is that Adrian (and most abusers) will legit think they are the victim!
This is something I found so frustrating in the many years I spent working with perpetrators of domestic violence in the Corrections system.
Out of hundreds of people I’ve worked with, I can count on one hand the perpetrators who accepted responsibility for their actions and showed genuine regret for how they treated their victims.
Which is why these days I choose to focus my time, energy and efforts on working with the people they hurt.
If you find yourself attracting the same kind of fuckwits into your life and want to break the pattern of unhealthy relationships, book a free call with me here so you can fill me in on your current situation and I can share some insight on what may help you.
Book a call HERE!
Catcha on the flip side, where we don’t hang around fuckwits anymore.
Plus come over and join my free group here.
