How many people do you know who introduce themselves by talking about their struggles? 🤔
You only need to sit at a nail bar or coffee shop to hear people around you talking about all the things in their lives that are going wrong.
Is this something you do too?
Do you define yourself by your problems by saying things like “I’m an anxious person”, “I’m a people-pleaser“, “I’m terrible with money“, “I’ve always had shitty relationships“, “I’m just not a confident person”? 🫣
They might seem like harmless statements, but the thing is, your brain believes everything you tell it (cue Law of Attraction and turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy).
Over time, by repeating these statements over and over again you eventually stop describing things you’ve experienced and instead these things start defining who you believe you are.
There’s a mahoosive difference between saying “I’m experiencing anxiety” and “I’m an anxious person.”
One describes a temporary thing that you’re going through – the other makes it part of your identity. 🥴
The more you repeat these labels to yourself, the more your brain starts looking for evidence to prove they’re true.
Before you know it, you’re making decisions based on a self-created identity; you believe this is just who you are now, instead of thinking about whether you could change. 🤷🏼♀️
YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT YOUR PERSONALITY
Experiencing trauma doesn’t mean it has to define your life.
People-pleasing isn’t part of your personality – it’s a learned behaviour.
Overthinking isn’t who you are. 🤯
It’s not your destiny to have unhealthy relationships for the rest of your life.
These are all patterns based on your conditioning – patterns that can be healed, unlearned, and replaced with new ones. 🤗
SOMETIMES OUR STRUGGLES BECOME OUR FAMILIAR – OUR NEW NORMAL
Our problems become our comfort zone – complaining about them means people show us they care.
If you’ve let your problems become your identity, letting go of this can feel scary – if you’re no longer these things, who are you now? 🥺
Well… you get to decide – which yep, is scary, but it can also be an exciting, fresh new start.
One of the coolest shifts I get to see in my clients isn’t their problems magically disappearing – it’s that they stop introducing themselves through these problems. 😍
Instead of saying “I’m a people-pleaser” they say “I’ve been working on my boundaries.”
Instead of: “I’m just an anxious person” they say: “I’ve experienced anxiety, but I’m learning to trust myself again.” 🫶🏻
Can you feel the difference?
One keeps you stuck.
The other leaves room for growth.
One of my beautiful clients summed this shift up perfectly after completing Project Self Worth:
“Being a rescuer and people-pleaser was the most soul-destroying place to be. Through working on self-love and self-respect, I started noticing the red flags, stopped replying to messages that didn’t warrant a reply, and learned healthy boundaries and positive communication tools so I could finally have a healthy, supportive relationship.”
That gives me goosebumps every time I read it. 🥰
Not because she became a different person…but because she stopped believing that being a people-pleaser was simply “who she was.”
She realised it was a pattern, and patterns can be changed.
THIS MONTH, I HAVE A CHALLENGE FOR YOU
Every time you catch yourself saying: “I am…” pause and ask yourself:
Is this really who I am… or is this simply something I’ve experienced? 🧐
Your experiences have shaped you, taught you, wounded you – but it’s time to stop letting them define you.
This month, as part of Choose Yourself Month, I want you to remember something:
You’re not your trauma. You’re not your mistakes. You’re not your fears. You’re not your diagnosis. You’re not your past.
You’re SO much more than the hardest thing you’ve ever been through.
Perhaps the most powerful thing you can do is stop introducing yourself through your pain and start introducing yourself through your potential.
Choosing yourself begins with believing you’re more than the labels you’ve been carrying around for years.
If today’s blog resonated with you, don’t let it be the end of the conversation.
Download my free Project Self Worth Playlist – my free collection of 200+ videos including EFT (tapping), hypnosis, meditation, subliminal music and more, all with the goal of improving your self-love, self-trust, confidence and self-esteem – so that you can choose yourself without even needing to think about it.
You can find the link to download this in the link in my bio.
I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.
Much love,
