I don’t know who I am anymore: the death of identity

As I approach “mid life,” I notice that more and more people around me are starting to feel like they don’t know who they are anymore.


The age milestone of 40 seems to bring with it a loss of identity for a lot of people.


Relationship breakdowns, divorce, bring with it the loss of identity as a husband, wife, family unit.


We lose grandparents and parents, and get closer to being next in line.


Maybe we suddenly question why we’ve been in a job that doesn’t bring us joy for so long.


The coronavirus pandemic of 2020 is causing a lot of people to question a lot of things.


Have I ever really found my purpose?


Do I even really know who I am?


I feel very fortunate that I found my driving motivation when I was really young: helping other people.


My sense of purpose, and so my identity, is very strongly tied in with this.


There was a time, in my first year in Australia, where I got a sense of loss of identity.


My relationship had broken down, so I wasn’t in a relationship where I was “helping” someone.


I was tree planting for a visa, so I wasn’t doing a job where I was helping anyone.


I was a freshie in Aus with steps I was taking to stay, but really no idea how it would all work out.


I quickly fell back into the depression I’d first been in, during my last year in London.


I realised during that time that ALL my self-worth came from helping other people.


And I also realised how not-cool that was.


I didn’t do much about that until years later, when I kicked off my own personal project – Project Self Worth.


When I started to really dig deep into how to love myself more, I developed a much stronger sense of self that has never left me, even when the shit has hit the fan.


I say this, because I see the majority of people are so caught up in their sense of identity being a role that they are playing.


Husband, wife, parent, friend, insert job title here.


What if your sense of self, your identity, only came from within you?


Start really questioning what YOUR values, needs, morals, desires, likes and loves are.


When you start coming up with this list, ask yourself, “is this really me speaking, or is this what someone else wants for me?”


Sometimes, we aren’t really aware that we’ve completely lost ourselves until something changes – like losing a job or relationship.


Then we realise how entwined we’ve become with that very thing, to the point where we’re unable to separate ourselves from it. This can be unhealthy and even toxic.


When we really start to get a sense of who we are and what we like, we become a whole person.


As a whole person, our external influences only add a different (and hopefully better) dimension to our strong sense of self.


Then, if it changes or ends, we aren’t so caught up in the grief and loss of it all.


Does this resonate with you?


If so, you might like to check out my online coaching program, From Surviving To Thriving – where I share plenty of tips and tools for how you can discover who you really are and how you want to live your life.


Big up ya best self.


Catcha on the flip side,



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