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How to deal with someone who is always playing the victim

I was sat next to an older lady getting her nails done the other day. About 5 minutes after I sat down to get mine done she starts telling me all about her life.

An hour later I knew she’d had a heart attack 8 years ago and that’s why she was sweating so much, she has a pacemaker and recently she broke her finger saving a puppy and now can’t feel any pain in that hand – I also knew the various illnesses that all her kids and grandchildren had.

I walked away when she said “and if that wasn’t enough….”

I didn’t get a word in edge ways and she wouldn’t have found out a single thing about me or anyone else around her in that time.

We all have people in our lives who love to play the victim – everyone else is always to blame, life just “happens” to them, and they aren’t responsible for any of it.

Maybe it’s even you who plays the victim sometimes?

Note: I’m not in any way referring to actual victims of crime/abuse etc here, only to people who emphasise normal life challenges as a huge drama.

SIGNS THEY’RE IN VICTIM MODE

✖️ They don’t take responsibility; they can’t accept that maybe they had a part to play in whatever happened. By doing this they indirectly set themselves up as a martyr.

⛔️ They are stuck because they think life just happens to them. People stay stuck when they feel powerless so their life stagnates. They also won’t be able to come up with a plan about how to move forward.

⚔️ They hold onto grudges and carry them around like a samurai sword, ready to whip it out to cut off your head anytime you dare challenge them. They’ll use these grudges as reasons not to move forward.

🤷‍♀️ They have trouble stating their needs and wants, because they don’t believe they’re in control of their life. The victims life usually shows patterns of being passive and submissive to others, which is detrimental to their own self esteem and development. This often leads to depression and anxiety.

🤦🏼‍♂️ They feel powerless, but this usually shows up as manipulative and coercive behaviour. They might be underhanded in getting their needs met.

⁉️ They have trust issues. This mainly comes from not believing they themselves are trustworthy so they assume others are the same.

🥴 They don’t know when enough is enough.

🤬 They get into arguments and conflicts easily; it feeds into their drama. They feel like they’re constantly under attack so will always go on the defence.

😥 They feel sorry for themselves and reflect a defenceless child who can’t fend for themselves.

👎 They get trapped in comparison-itis, thinking everyone else has it all and they don’t match up.

😣 Even when good things happen they tend to focus on the negatives.

🙅 They’re critical of others and cut people out of their lives when they find people challenging instead of working through normal relationship challenges. Because they’re highly emotional they tend to have chaotic relationships and go through friends easily and quickly.

HOW TO STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM

😬 Ask yourself how you contributed to the problems in your life and accept responsibility for your part to play.

🙌 Let grudges go and practice forgiveness.

👥 Seek professional help – a counsellor and/or coach can help you to focus on what you want in life, release past grudges and gain power and control of your future.

✋ Read books on assertiveness and practice the techniques.

❓Do some reality testing and revise your assumptions.

🗣 If you feel an argument starting, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Know that everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and you don’t always have to agree with each other.

😫 Avoid thinking you’re the only person in the world that has bad stuff happen to them.

💞 Train your mind into a new way of thinking; compliment instead of being critical, focus on the things in your life you can be grateful for and try to develop optimism.

✍🏻 Recognise your patterns and work on them.

💝 Heal your past.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE VICTIMS IN YOUR LIFE

❓ Ask them how they contributed to the problem to see if they can start taking responsibility.

⛔️ Set better boundaries; let them know your own needs and what behaviour you won’t put up with.

🥰 Focus on yourself and making yourself happy; sometimes that includes less time spent with negative people where possible.

❌ Stop buying in to their drama; let them know you’re there for them but you won’t support behaviour that contributes to them feeling like a victim.

If you have any other suggestions I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Catcha on the flip side,

 

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