Back when I started my healing/personal development journey I was in my early twenties, so I’ve been on that journey for 20+ years now.
Myself, my bro and my sis have amazing role models for parents; their relationship has always been on a pedestal for me in terms of their deep love for each other, the way they co-parent us kids, the way they handle any issues, the way they created a business empire from literally nothing except sheer determination, focusing on where they wanted to go and working together, the way they support each other through everything, but also how they have good boundaries and stick to them. ❤️
Despite these amazing role models in business, relationships, parenting and how they’re amazing friends to the right people in their lives, I was confused as to why I kept attracting men into my life who used and abused me (and I enabled that due to me being a people-pleaser with zero boundaries). 🤔
My sister did the same thing.
I remember having a very direct, frank conversation with my dad after I’d ended an eight year engagement and entered into a new relationship with a guy they met and liked.
My dad said to me (with extreme drunken passion)… “I’m SICK of you dating FUCKING C*NTS!!” 😳
Wow. Tell me what you really think, dad.
I was shocked, but I also knew he was right, and I was massively triggered for the rest of the night, withdrawing and isolating myself, my head going into a huge spiral of overthinking. 🤯
That next relationship also didn’t work out, and by then I was 38.
I was terrified – terrified I’d never get it right, like an imposter because of all the work I’d done on myself and yet here I was, after another failed relationship with some of the most hectic core wounding surfacing around rejection, abandonment and “I am not wanted“.
I’d done so much work on myself by then – coaching, kinesiology, energy work, past life work, meditation, law of attraction tools... the list goes on.
And yet here are was, in the gnarliest core wounding I’d ever experienced… and it really fucking hurt. 💔
All my training in psychology dictates that feelings of abandonment and rejection are rooted in childhood but all I remembered was growing up in a happy, loving family.
So I got on the phone to mum and asked her to tell me more about my early years – the ones I couldn’t remember – plus as much info about her parents, dad’s parents and the lineage as far back as she could remember.
Two massively important things came out of this – even though my own mum and dad had broken the cycle, every other male in my lineage was abusive (financial, physical, emotional and mental) and their wives were either bitches back to them or submissive.
Let’s face it – back then, women were basically the property of their husbands and divorce wasn’t really a thing, you just put up with a shitty marriage because it was your job as a woman to serve your husband and kids and give no thought to looking after yourself. 🥺
I also learned that when mum had my brother, I was 15 months old (I’m the eldest of three). Mum couldn’t cope at the time – my folks were running a pub and my dad was running a biz in London so they got very little time together, and mum was the wife, mother, cook, cleaner and barmaid.
My abusive grandparents also lived in the pub with us.
So at 15 months old I was sent to Holland to live with my Dutch grandparents – mum can’t remember if this was for 3 or 6 months or whether she spoke to me during that time.
When I learned this, it felt like finding the missing piece of the puzzle.
OF COURSE I felt abandoned, rejected, unwanted and not good enough! 🙄
Even though as an adult I can rationalise this and totally understood why she did it (my grandparents loved me), Little Carly only knew her mum and dad suddenly weren’t there anymore and she was pretty much living with strangers in a new country speaking a different language with different sights, smells and sounds.
Mum said when she got me back she knew instantly it was the worst thing she could have done – apparently I wouldn’t look at her for a long time (this happens in kids when someone they love causes them great pain) and when she lay me down in my cot I looked frozen in terror (danger and terror always used to come up in my kinesiology sessions and I had no idea why until then).
Armed with this new information, I could finally work on the blocks holding me back. 🙌🏻
And when I finally shifted the deep core wounding, my life totally changed – and interestingly, so did my sisters.
Mum and Dad were always so dumbfounded about how my sister and I kept attracting losers into our lives when they’d set the bar so high (they just celebrated their 46 wedding anniversary and still fancy the pants off each other!) so when I cleared this for myself the by-product was that I cleared it for my whole lineage.
It also meant I FINALLY attracted true, healthy lasting love into my life with Hot Fiance. ❤️ 💍 🥰
My sister just visited me in Aus and she’s pregnant with her second child, and in a very loving, secure relationship, interestingly enough, which she got into at the time I was healing these core wounds.
When you’re the one in your family willing to do the work, even if nobody is, you become the cycle breaker for your entire lineage.
Isn’t that an awesome byproduct?!
In the coaching and energy treatments I do with clients, we delve deep into the patterns keeping them stuck, their origin story, heal it from the source and keep peeling away the layers to ensure they stop popping up again.
Want to know more?
Check the link in my bio for ways to work with me as well as a bunch of freebies aimed at breaking the cycle and how to ascertain if your relationship is actually toxic.
Imagine where you’ll be this time next year, if you commit to sorting your shit out now.
Catcha on the flip side,
