I was listening to Danny Morel interview therapist Terri Cole this week and she was listing out the traits of high functioning codependents (HFC’s) and my brain said:
OMG THAT’S MEEEEEE!!! 😳 ⚡️
Well, it’s the version of me from the past but I consider myself “in recovery” (I still need to keep myself in check at times).
HFC’s exhibit codependent traits while still managing to perform well in many areas of their lives.
While they may seem successful on the surface, their behaviors and patterns are often rooted in unhealthy dynamics related to self-worth, control, and dependency.
Have a look at the list below of traits of HFC’s and see if you may be one too!
🙄 constantly abandoning yourself, your needs/thoughts/feelings to put others first
😇 seeking approval and validation through people pleasing – you have a strong desire to be liked or needed
😡 avoiding conflict at the cost of your own needs and opinions
🥺 feeling responsible for other people’s feelings, needs and wellbeing
🙌🏻 going out of your way to help others and feel guilty or anxious if you don’t help
🛑 difficulty setting boundaries – you struggle to say no or to assert your own needs
🤯 you over-commit yourself or allow others to take advantage of you because you fear conflict or rejection.
🫣 fear of abandonment – you have a deep fear of being abandoned or rejected which often drives your behaviour (you may also be unaware you have this fear)
🥺 you may go to great lengths to stay in a relationship, trying to “fix” yourself or change the relationship even if it means tolerating unhealthy or imbalanced dynamics.
🫥 self-sacrifice – you believe your worth is tied to how much you can give to or care for others which may lead to neglecting your own physical, mental, emotional or spiritual health.
😔 low self-esteem – which may not be obvious if you’re high functioning and smashing goals in life – but you ultimately rely on external validation to feel good about yourself.
🧐 control and perfectionism- you’ll try to maintain a sense of order and security by trying to control situations or people, believing everything will fall apart if you don’t.
🥹 difficulty expressing emotions – you may suppress or avoid your own feelings, especially the negative ones, in favour of focusing on others, for fear of being judged or seen as weak.
😶🌫️ emotional enmeshment – you might become overly involved in the emotional lives of others, often confusing your own feelings with those of the people around you, which can lead to you losing sight of your own identity or desires.
🥴 chronic stress or burnout – your constant drive to please others, manage their feelings or keep it altogether can lead to chronic stress, exhaustion, burnout and illness – even this may not be enough to stop you trying to push through without addressing your own needs.
🙄 difficulty asking for help – you feel you should be hyper-independent or that asking for help is a sign of weakness. You may feel uncomfortable being vulnerable or receiving support even when it’s necessary.
🤗 appearing like you have your shit together – even if you’re secretly struggling with anxiety, depression, stress or emotional exhaustion. This makes it hard for anyone to see that you’re doing it tough.
HFC’s often mask their struggles with a facade of competence, but are driven by a deep need to care for others, maintain control, and seek external validation.
While they may be successful in many areas of life, their emotional health often takes a toll.
So what’s the difference between just being nice and being a HFC?
For HFC’s the above behaviours are a compulsion – it’s really hard to not just jump in and do these things even when you’re sacrificing yourself.
Listen to the interview here.
In a future blog I’ll be sharing some tips on how to become an HFC in recovery if you see yourself in any of the traits listed above.
In the meantime, here’s a link to a freebie I put together to help me get over my own HFC personality:
YES! I WANT IT!Keep an eye on my page, as I have something big in the works to help you!
As always, if you want a guide on your journey, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
Plus come over and join my free group here.
Catcha on the flip side,
