I seem to be having a lot of conversations lately about codependent relationships.
Firstly, it’s important to know that even strong, independent people end up in codependent relationships.
I know this first hand after being in many codependent relationships myself, even though I consider myself a very independent person.
WHERE DOES IT ALL START?
As a kid, if you’ve experienced the following things it leaves you way more likely to find yourself in codependent relationships as an adult:
😢 a parent with mental health issues
🍺 a parent with addiction or dependence issues
😷 a parent with serious health issues
😡 a parent with unpredictable behaviour e.g. anger, aggression, family violence behaviours
🥺 a lack of parenting or prosocial modelling
🫣 experiencing trauma as a child or within the family
🤬 parents arguing or separating
WHAT IS A CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP?
A codependent relationship is when one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed.
This circular relationship is the basis of what experts refer to when they describe the “cycle” of codependency.
There’s much more to this term than everyday clinginess.
Codependent relationships are far more extreme than this.
A person who is codependent will plan their entire life around pleasing the other person, or the enabler.
The codependent’s self-esteem and self-worth will come only from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who is only too happy to receive their sacrifices.
It wasn’t until I hit my 30’s that I realised all my self-worth and validation came from helping others.
Unfortunately, this led to several long term relationships where I would help my partners in ways that only led to me enabling their shitty behaviours.
They were broke, so financially drained me.
They had mental health issues and suicidal ideation from their own past traumas, leading to a very volatile relationship.
I gave 100% to my relationships and it left me with nothing in the tank (or bank!).
Each time I left, I left as a shell of my former self.
WHAT IT TAKES TO BREAK THE CYCLE
The first step to overcoming anything is admitting this is what’s happening for you.
Then it becomes a journey of self-discovery, personal development and healing.
I had to do a lot of work on myself over the years to clear and heal where this schema of self-sacrifice and unrelenting standards stemmed from, constantly working on loving myself more, trusting myself more, saying no instead of yes, ditching the people pleasing and decluttering partners, friends, colleagues etc who didn’t align with my best self.
It wasn’t easy, but it WAS worth it.
If this message hits home for you, reach out for support.
You ARE worthy and deserving of a better life.
As always, if you want a guide on your journey, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
Plus come over and join my free group here.
Catcha on the flip side,
