Cozy up to conflict – heal what’s triggering you

I was listening to Hay House Radio the other day and people were calling in explaining situations that are currently triggering them – by trigger, I mean anything that happens in your life that kicks off a negative emotion within you.

One lady was explaining how much her husband’s laziness triggers her. He doesn’t work, and doesn’t want to work either. She resents being the breadwinner while he sits at home watching TV.

Often we are triggered by a trait in someone or someone’s behaviour because it reflects a part of us that we are denying. This can lead to a lot of conflict especially in our closest relationships.

For example, this woman was being triggered by her husband’s laziness because she feared being labelled as lazy herself. When she was younger, she remembered how her mother called her lazy, and how she saw this as something that was bad about her. She then launched into a life where she was constantly multi-tasking and overworking herself (often leading to burnout) to prove that she wasn’t lazy. Sometimes we deny these parts of ourselves due to seeing these traits in our parents and other role models too.

It would be useful in this situation for the woman to consider “where in my life have I been lazy?” Often those parts of us that we are trying to deny are showing up somewhere. It could well be that with a chronic overachiever they are being lazy with self love and self care, neglecting themselves as they see much needed downtime as time spent being lazy.

She could also reflect on where being lazy has been a good thing and created a positive. For example, going on holiday could be seen as spending time lazing around – but this would be much needed downtime spent away from too much “doing.”

What’s showing up in your life as a trigger for you right now?

Ask yourself the following:

  • Who is triggering you
  • What is it about them/what they’re doing that’s triggering you and how does it make you feel?
  • Where have you shown up with this same trait/behaviour in your life?
  • How could that trait/behaviour been a positive thing at the time?

By accepting those parts of ourselves that we are currently denying, we start to see that person who is triggering us with much more compassion. We are all human, we all have good parts and shadow parts, and we all make mistakes. When you accept those shadow parts of yourself with compassion you’ll find yourself less and less triggered, and more and more accepting of the way others are.

Spend some time reflecting on this today – I’d love to hear your “a-ha” moments in the comments below 🙂

Catcha on the flip side,




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