After all the trauma you’ve endured and how much you’ve grown from it, you might start telling yourself “I’ve got this,” when you realise you’re one of the most independent people you know.
It seems like confidence on the surface because you’re a strong, capable and independent person. 💪🏻
But what can seem like confidence may actually be the result of your nervous system learning that relying on other people wasn’t safe.
Your brain has adapted because you were raised feeling unheard, being criticised, neglected, rejected, abandoned or constantly let down. 🧠
So you ended up making a decision that guides your whole life: “I’ll just do it myself”. 🤷🏼♀️
For a while, that probably protected you – you became the reliable one, the loyal one, the helper, problem solver – the one everyone else could lean on, knowing you’d always be there for them.
While you may not see that as an issue initially (I definitely didn’t for years), eventually this survival strategy built to keep you safe can become the exact thing that keeps you isolated and burnt out. 😶🌫️
You convince yourself you’re fine, when truthfully you’re burnt out and exhausted.
You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders with burdens that were never yours to carry.
Because you’re known as “the strong one” who learned to be hyper-independent, you struggle to ask for help, even when you’re drowning and need it more than ever. 🫣
Asking for help and receiving support feels sooooo uncomfortable because deep down it still doesn’t feel safe.
I know this – because I used to wear my hyper-independence like a badge of honour, I thought it was a great skill to have. 🥇
But what I eventually realised was that needing or asking for support isn’t a bad thing – it’s never a bad thing to show your vulnerabilities as long as you’re asking the right (safe) people to help you.
I learned that safe people actually exist, that I could ask for help without feeling like it was a weakness and that I could lean on others without losing myself.
Real strength is knowing you don’t have to do everything on your own, just because you can.
Does this hit home for you? I’d love to know.
Just hit reply/comment and tell me: have you ever found it hard to ask for help, even when you really needed it? ✍🏻
I’d really love to hear your story.
Chat soon,
