Changing any situation that no longer serves you doesn’t start with action… or motivation… or affirmations and vision boards.
It starts with AWARENESS.
And awareness is the hardest bit – it’s inconvenient as fuck to become aware there’s an issue, because it means you can’t claim ignorance anymore.
It means you’re starting to admit what you’re feeling in your body, that you’ve noticed the pattern; and that now you can’t unsee this shit. 🙈
Awareness is your “oh shit” moment.
So many people stay stuck because they’re not ready to look yet – they’re still the ostrich burying their head in the sand, staying comfortably uncomfortable.
But you feel the tension in your chest. Exhaustion that rest doesn’t fix. A constant low-grade resentment niggling away at you. An inner voice that won’t stop nagging, and which you keep ignoring. 😶🌫️
The “oh shit” moment is the moment of truth that whispers:
“This relationship is draining me”
“This job is sucking the life out of me”
“This habit is me avoiding, not coping“
“This version of my life really isn’t working for me”
It’s the moment where you finally stop telling yourself the bullshit story you’ve had on repeat. 🫠
Whether you like it or not, awareness always comes before change.
You don’t leave a toxic relationship at the first red flag. You don’t walk out on a job that doesn’t serve you on the first bad day. You don’t overhaul your whole life when it first starts feeling off.
You change when the pattern becomes too hard to ignore, and the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.
It’s that moment where you decide “not this, not anymore.” 👋🏼
Along the way, despite the awareness, you may find yourself giving yourself shit thinking “I know this isn’t working, so why haven’t I done anything about it yet?”
Give yourself grace. Change takes time – it’s a process, and decisions often come with a lot of unknowns, fear, and scary action steps. 👣
There’s usually a gap between seeing the truth, and actually having the capacity to act on it.
This gap is where all the fun things come out to play; fear, grief, conditioning, negative self-talk, fear of judgement from others, other people’s opinions, trauma bonding, loyalty, lack of finances and poor self-worth. 😣
This applies to literally any situation in your life where a change would be big and scary – especially if it doesn’t just involve you. It’s complicated by partners, kids, other family members, close knit friendship groups… and more.
During the gap between awareness and change, all kinds of shitty behaviours can pop up like staying in burnout, numbing out instead of facing your feelings and fears, overgiving (self-abandoning), avoiding boundaries so as not to come across as being difficult and repeating the same cycles and putting it down to bad luck. 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing will change until you stop lying to yourself about the reality of your situation.
Once you have the awareness, staying stuck becomes a CHOICE.
An understandable one – but a choice, nonetheless.
People think awareness ruins things – and it does, to a degree – it ruins the illusion of a “happy life”.
But this “happy life” has been a lie which costs you your peace, health, self-respect and actual, legit happiness. 🥺
Once you become aware and work towards figuring out the information you need to make the changes required, you can start to build self-trust. Self-respect. Self-love.
It’s where you get to say “I’m willing to be honest with myself, even if I don’t know what to do with it yet”.
You don’t have to act on it today, or create a five year plan.
But you DO need to stop pretending you don’t see it anymore. 🫣
After more than 20 years working in trauma-informed coaching, energy work and behavioural change (and walking this path myself) I know this for certain: real, lasting change never starts with force or motivation, it starts the moment you’re brave enough to become aware of your truth.
If you need someone to talk to and a nudge in the right direction, I’ve got your back. Drop me a message and let’s chat. 📱
Sending you so much love,
“(Before Project Self Worth) I was aware that I needed to go on a journey but unsure of how to start. My situationship was toxic but i couldnt articulate why and how to identify clearly what the problem was. (I’ve learned) The importance of reciprocation of effort. For a long time I was a giver to takers and thought this was normal but neglected myself and wasnt receiving what I should have been receiving. I thought (the course) was delivered really well. The content was clear and easy to listen to and very relevant. (I enjoyed) the new techniques to empower me as a person to do better. There are things that can easily be put into practice immediately to improve my wellbeing as well as longer term things so we get the instant wins and long term growth.”
~Maya P
