If, in your relationship, you feel like you have to monitor your words, your tone, your behaviour, your mood and basically your entire existence to keep your partner happy, this is a mahoosive red flag – it’s not love. 🚩
You stay because you crave connection with them and your nervous system has become used to being happy enough with the bare minimum breadcrumbs they give you.
Because you’ve normalised it so much, it feels familiar and comfortable in some kinda sadistic fucking way – and you mistake this for chemistry – especially when there’s break-up make-up sex involved.
Real love doesn’t make you emotionally audit yourself every 5 minutes, it doesn’t punish you with passive-aggressive silence, mood swings or blame you for all their problems. 🥴
Your body is trying to keep you safe by walking on eggshells all the time – the same way you people-please, shrink yourself and change who you are depending on who you’re around because this is what you’ve learned gets you feeling some kind of “love” and connection.
But it’s not real babe, it’s fake.
If you can’t be your true, magnificient, badass authentic self around people, there’s zero chance of having a real connection with them. 🥺
If you’re wondering how the fuck you even ended up here, it’s because you’re attracting what feels normal into your life – even if your version of normal is chaotic, toxic, unstable and unhealthy – even abusive.
This means you end up in relationships where you overthink everything you say and do, feel responsible for their emotions, apologise for shit you never did (gaslight yourself) and feel totally exhausted all the time because you’re masking how you actually feel. 😕
And because there are teeny tiny moments and snippets of the person you fell in love with, you cling to the hope they may give you more of that and that you may still have a future together.
But this is just trauma-bonding, not actual healthy love.
The cycle of highs and lows is literally your brain addicted to toxic chemistry and the dopamine hits you get when you get breadcrumbed.
And addicts need their fixes, so you stay – because leaving, or even the thought of leaving, can feel like you might die without them. 🪦
Love is supposed to feel safe; you’re not meant to tip-toe around their moods or beg for love or basic human decency. You’re not supposed to feel shit most of the time.
You’ll just end up as a shell of yourself, if you’re not already (trust me, I’ve been there many times). You won’t even recognise yourself anymore. 🐚
If you feel confused more often than you feel calm, anxious more than you feel secure, exhausted more than you feel fulfilled… then your body already knows what’s up.
How much longer are you going to ignore it? How much worse does it need to get for you to make a change?
If you’re sitting there reading this thinking “fuck, that’s me” – it’s ok, I’ve got your back.
Download my FREE “10 Signs Your Relationship is ACTUALLY Toxic” checklist and see what’s really going on – link is in my bio.
Because awareness is the moment everything starts to change. 🤩
And if you’re totally done fucking around with it, message me and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
You’ve got this, and I’ve got your back.
Much love,
