The Four Agreements

Four-Agreements-150x150Lately I have really been getting into listening to audio books and podcasts while I’m driving or walking. I love to read but these days it can be a challenge to fit it in to a busy day so audio books are a great way to “read” a book.

One of my favourites at the moment is The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. The Four Agreements are Toltec Wisdom and if we all were to live by these agreements, life would be pretty magical.

The agreements are: 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions and 4. Always do your best.


1. Be impeccable with your word.

Being impeccable means not doing or believing something that goes against yourself. It means only saying what you mean – if you say you’ll be there at 11am to meet your friend, then be there at 11am. It means speaking with integrity, and not gossiping about others or speaking badly of them or yourself. Only talk about people in a way that you would be happy to do the same if they were standing right next to you. If you have an issue with someone, then tell them – telling other people won’t fix it.

This means taking responsibility for yourself and not being a victim or pointing blame at others. Let’s face it, it’s human nature to love a good whinge and bitch about others, putting themselves in the victim or martyr role and trying to get a team on their side.

What you put out there, energetically returns to you. If you only speak well of others, are good to yourself and others, and treat everyone with kindness and respect, the same will return to you.


2. Don’t take anything personally.

Nothing others do is because of you – their actions are simply an outcome of their own dreams, fears, insecurities and beliefs playing out in their reality. If you can understand this simple truth, it will save you a lot of pain.

I used to take things so personally in my relationships. But by doing so I would then have a reaction based on hurt usually, that would influence my own behaviour towards that person and of course that never helped. For example, if my partner came home from work in a mood, I would think it was something I’d done wrong, and then ask what was wrong and not accept the answer when he said “nothing.” In reality, he had just had a shit day at work and hated his job. He needed time to unwind and once I understood that and knew it was nothing to do with me, I just gave him space until he had got out of work mode.

When people have beliefs that are different from our own we get into this fear mentality and start defending ourselves. If you’re having a conflict with someone because of differing beliefs, nothing you say will change their beliefs and vice versa – everyone has a right to their own beliefs and values. It makes life so much easier when we can just agree to disagree and respect each others opinions.


3. Don’t make assumptions.

Jeez, if someone had education me on this one when I was young I would have saved myself a whole lot of hassle.

The nuts and bolts of this agreement boils down to communicating properly. Actually asking for what you want, or asking questions for clarification rather than just making assumptions about how someone is feeling or what they want. This is about finding the courage to really express what you want and ask questions even if you’re scared of the answer – chances are the answer will be less scary than the assumption you’re making. Communicate with others as clearly as you can – stop being vague and talking round the houses – just point blank spit it out for fooks sake. You can totally transform your life if you live by this agreement.

We make assumptions because we believe that we know how others feel, what they believe and what they value. But we forget that our beliefs are just our points of view based on our own personal experiences.

Us women tend to think that guys should know what’s going on in our heads – that they should just know what’s wrong or what we want without us having to tell them. But they aren’t mind readers – if we just suck it up and tell them exactly what we want and how we feel then it will save a lot of time otherwise spent huffing around or slamming doors trying to make a point – including saying “fine” when he asks “what’s wrong?” because you know you’re really not fine, you’re pissed off (boys – a tip here – F.I.N.E can be otherwise interpreted as Fucking Insecure Neurotic and Emotional).

Take action now and be clear to others about what you want or don’t want, and don’t gossip or make assumptions about others.


2. Always do your best

If everyone did their best in every moment, how different would life be?

Of course, your best will change from moment to moment – your best will be different when you are unwell compared to when you are healthy for example. But if you commit to always doing your best no matter what the circumstances, you will avoid regret, self-abuse and self-judgement.

It means you will enjoy the doing, rather than being focused on the outcome. Releasing the past and enjoying the present moment helps us do our best.

Be patient with yourself and treat yourself with kindness – your best today may not always be the same as your best on another day. If you always do your best, then your life will transform.


Are you ready to stop struggling through life? Are you sick of feeling like you’re stuck in survival mode? Come and join my other members who are also on their journey From Surviving To Thriving.

Learn more here.


Catcha on the flip side 🙂



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