Ok, so thank fuck MAFS is almost over!
Yes I know, it’s massively edited but there are some real lessons we can still learn here about relationships. 
I got up to speed with the episodes this week and the relationship I want to focus on is Paul and Carina.
Carina – what a stunningly beautiful person inside and out. 
She comes across as extremely family oriented with strong values relating to loyalty, trust and having her partner’s back.
All things Paul talked the talk about and then fucked her over on. 
He made several “silly mistakes” as he referred to them which were actually pretty massive:
- He punched a wall out of jealousy when she mentioned someone she’d slept with in the past
- He called her a snob to her friend and threw her under the bus by telling the friend what Carina had said to him in confidence
- He went on a date with another woman out of “curiosity”
Let’s hope his job as a “Wellness Advisor” doesn’t involve any skills like empathy or emotional intelligence, because ffs Paul, you are seriously lacking them!
Paul said he “just wasn’t thinking”, didn’t consider Carina’s feelings at all and said after each mistake “I’m actually so pissed off at myself, that’s not me that’s not who I am”.
Bless Dave (love him and Jamie!) who pointed out “how can you NOT think of her?” 
However, as Rhi mentioned (I bloody love Rhi and Jeff, how gorge are they!) – “a mistake made more than once is a decision”.
The week after he met Carina’s family and was welcomed into their home as a new son, he seemed to bloody revel in the “task” of going on a date with someone else the producers said he’d been matched with, “out of curiosity” even though he and Carina were apparently in the best place they’d ever been in. 
Side note = neither Rhi nor Jeff entertained the task at all, because they knew they were it for each other.
Strong relationships don’t entertain ideas “out of curiosity” because they don’t want to risk fucking up their relationship/their future together.
When he returns from his date he grovels to Carina in a really gross way, pretending to be all loved up and then banging on about how he couldn’t stop talking about her the whole time to this other woman, who he was clearly flirting with before she shut him the fuck down by pointing out his contradictory behaviour. 
Carina sets firm boundaries and is clearly pissed off, telling him she’s done.
Because she’s forgiven him twice before, and because her Christian faith includes forgiveness (which Paul seems very excited about, because there’s plenty he does that requires it), he seems to think she’ll “move past this”. 
He drops off a coffee and pastry to her door and “didn’t get a thank you” (poor me). 
He says he hopes she can move past this and “not throw our relationship away” (doesn’t take ownership for his actions being the thing that threw their relationship away).
When the group all come at him during dinner with all his shitty actions he said “it was just negative after negative things focusing on all the things I did wrong” (poor me) – good on the group for not condoning his shitty behaviour and holding him to account!
At the final vows he was truly shocked when she walked away and chose herself instead of their relationship, and referred to her walking away over “little ups and downs” totally minimising his own behaviour and referring to him having to forgive her for things too (ummm, like what? Sticking around?)
After the vows when talking to a producer he continues to bang on about how much he wants to be with her and says “I know we can come back from this silly decision that I made” = you’re delusional bro, she deserves SO much better. 
To me, he shows a lot of signs of being a covert narcissist:
- threatened by honesty and directness
- denies and dismisses Carina’s feelings
- identifies as a victim
- makes unreasonable demands (even when she’s said her final vows he asks if she’ll ever forgive him or “forget about it”)
- plays on sympathies (when he was crying so much about punching the wall, poor me)
- gaslights
- lacks empathy and self-awareness
- focuses on unfairness
- gossips (by calling her a snob to her friend)
- triangulates
- needs reassurance
- has double standards
- hates to lose
- flatters and fawns to win favour
- doesn’t sincerely apologise
- avoids direct responsibility
- has an exaggerated sense of entitlement
- rushes to (false) intimacy
- crosses normative boundaries and codes of conduct
- feels above the rules
- uses guilt and shame to control and punish
So, that’s my take on Paul.
Au Revoir, mo fo. 
In other news… Jacqui and Ryan…. only joking.
I can’t even go there, it’s WAY too crazy! 
Except… how is she even a lawyer?!?!
I’d love to hear your comments on what you thought about Paul and Carina… thank god there’s only one episode left and I can get back to my doco’s about serial killers. 
If you’re sick of attracting partners who disrespect your boundaries and treat you like a doormat, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
Check this link for freebies + ways to work with me: https://linktr.ee/coachcarlyevans
Catcha on the flip side,
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