Are mixed signals giving you emotional whiplash?

Consistency is the key in any relationship when it comes to building trust and emotional security.

If we get caught up in the early stages of a relationship and any potential love-bombing that may be going on, it can be easy to miss inconsistency creeping in.

When it finally hits you, you may feel confused and frustrated.

Inconsistency can show up in unpredictable behaviour or communication patterns to create uncertainty by giving you mixed signals.

They may be affectionate with you one minute then cold the other.

Tell you they can’t wait to see you but seem to cancel on you a lot, or ghost you.

Show hot/cold signals when talking about commitments or the future.

These kinds of inconsistencies can be a massive red flag – there could be a range of reasons for it, but all of them are a red flag.

Maybe they just aren’t that into you.

Maybe it’s not just you that they’re into.

Maybe they have deeper issues brewing that they need to focus on healing before they can really be emotionally available in a relationship.

Maybe it’s a sign that although they may be into you, you’re not their priority.

So if you find yourself in this situation, what can you do about it?

Clear communication is the key here.

Start by expressing your feelings and concerns to your partner and do it in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re blaming or accusing them – e.g. say things like “I feel confused when…” instead of “you make me feel…”.

Set clear boundaries around your needs and the way you’d like to communicate. Let them know what you need in order to feel secure in a relationship to create a more stable environment.

If you aren’t sure what your needs are, spend some time reflecting on what you want from this relationship – are you after commitment, emotional support, or something else?

Observe any patterns in your relationship, like if there are particular triggers that then lead to them being inconsistent – for example, if they ghost you every time you talk about future plans, perhaps they are afraid of commitment.

If you’re in it for the long haul, consider coaching or counselling to help you work through any patterns coming up in your relationship and any past issues you need to heal.

Also know when it’s time to walk away – like if they continue to be inconsistent or ignore your boundaries when you’ve already let them know how you feel.