I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my past relationships, learning the lessons I was given along the way.
Between the ages of 17 and 38, a good chunk of those years were spent in relationships where I was cheated on many times, manipulated, coercively controlled, financially and emotionally abused, deprived of my liberty at times and slowly but surely turned into a shell of my former self with a very broken heart.
When I hit the age of 38, with another failed relationship behind me, I’d nearly given up on finding true, unconditional love.
I’d spent many years working on myself and had achieved most aspects of the life I dreamed of for so long.
But relationships was an area I hadn’t quite gotten right.
I reflected on that a lot, really keen to get it right the next time.
I realised all my unhealthy relationships had a key theme: I rushed quickly into them.
I fell madly and deeply in love, quickly.
Totally encouraged by the other person too, leading to me feeling safe enough to dive in headfirst at the time.
By rushing quickly into relationships, I’ve fallen in love before I could really truly see or listen to any of the red flags that were showing up.
By the time I saw the red flags, I was committed to that relationship.
Once I’m committed, I commit to working through issues that come up.
But I realised that if I had taken things much slower, and taken my time to allow feelings to develop, I’d have likely seen the red flags and walked away before I was committed, knowing it wasn’t the right relationship for me.
I met my partner Cam when I was in this space of realising I needed to change how I approached my relationships.
Bless him, he sure did handle my walls well!
There was me, taking things rreeeeaaaalllly slowly, waiting patiently for any red flags to show up.
Bit by bit, my walls came down, but I let them down very slowly.
It took a while for me to properly commit.
I kept expecting red flags to pop up, and they didn’t.
One day, I decided to properly let him in, and committed.
It’s the healthiest and most loving relationship I’ve ever experienced.
And that also meant I had to do some work on myself to allow that amazing love in.
He stuck by me, patiently, while I sorted my shit out 🙂
Life is pretty rosy these days!
So, if you keep finding yourself stuck in a loop of unhealthy relationships, ask yourself if you’re rushing into things too quickly?
I’d love to know if this resonates for you too.
Catcha on the flip side,
