I was 26 in 2007 when I became a probation officer in London, and that’s when I started training in domestic violence (DV).
I started working with offenders who were on probation for abusing their wives, and the first guy I supervised and took through a domestic violence program 1:1 said to me “what’s the world coming to when a man can’t push his wife around?”
He was dead serious. 😳
DV wasn’t talked about back then like it is now – and it’s really gained proper traction in the last few years because it’s an epidemic of massive proportions.
But really, it always has been – it just hasn’t always been seen that way.
Back in the day if police were called out to “a domestic,” it was just seen as something that should be left between man and wife to sort out – but let’s face it, the only one “sorting it out” would have been the guy – sorting “her” out. 🤛🏼
During my 18 year career in corrections, I was put in roles where I became an “expert” in serial family violence offending – not because I wanted to, but that’s just the way it turned out.
Alongside my career I was also running my business as a coach and energy practitioner, and I found that increasingly I was working in my biz with survivors of trauma and abuse.
A few years ago I read an incredible book by Dr Jessica Taylor called “Sexy But Psycho” – a history of women and all the misogynistic, patriarchal systems that are supposed to (but failing) to protect them. 🤬
The book enraged me, but I still think it’s a must read for every woman out there.
In the last couple of weeks I’ve been getting into a podcast called Betrayal, and one of the seasons is about women being drugged and raped by their husbands – this is something far less talked about but it’s a topic that’s starting to gain a bit of traction now. I personally know two friends this has happened to (that I know of, I have no doubt there are more).
Comment PODCAST if you want me to send you the link. 🔗
One of the crazy making things I found out on this podcast is that when the husband was going to trial for drugging and raping his wife, it was discovered that in his particular state in the USA that it was actually LEGAL to do WTF you want to your wife if you’re married – including raping her!
It’s like that across many states in the USA – and it really wasn’t that long ago in the grand scheme of time that rape was seen as a property crime – because us women were mens PROPERTY, not our own individual people with feelings, thoughts, needs and desires.
It takes a long, long time, many many years for this kind of prejudice to unwind itself out of our cultural beliefs and systems, and we still have a long fucking way to go before women aren’t seen as objects or property. 🥺
THIS is what leads to male entitlement – men thinking they have a right to do whatever the fuck they want to us, say whatever the fuck they want to us, treat us like shit because they can, and for us women to just keep being “good girls” and fawning over them.
FUCK THAT.
Yes, things are changing.
But they’re changing too slowly – and in the meantime, women and children continue to be hurt and traumatised.
And that will also take many years to heal, to unwind the intergenerational trauma that this all creates.
We’re living in a time where more people are making a stand – not just women, but men too.
And I love how many strong, healthy men are out there sticking up for women, making a stand for what’s right, because it will be men that make the biggest difference here – men telling other men that what they just said or did isn’t ok, that they need to do better, to BE better.
Healthy men who also raise healthy boys. 💞
To those out there, I see you, and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Keep being good humans.
Rant over.
If this brought up pain for you and you want to work through it, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
Sending you SO much love,
