I was listening to a Mathew Hussey podcast the other day (amazing dude who talks all things relationships, check him out if you haven’t already).
He was talking about how many of us micro-dose on our ex after a break up.
I know I’ve defo been guilty of this in the past.
When you break up with someone you still have strong feelings for, or they break up with you, it can be easy to do the whole “let’s be friends thing”.
But how many times does that turn into making excuses to see or speak to each other?
Nothing wrong with having a few drinks together, is there?
Nothing wrong with staying over, one last time?
But before you know it, months have gone by, maybe even years, and you realise you’re no closer to actually being over them.
Which also means you’re way less likely to have been putting the right energy out there to meet someone who’s actually right for you.
There are also plenty of people keen to have their cake and eat it too – to leave you hanging with the door slightly open if they ever feel lonely or just want an easy bang.
To feel good about someone still loving/wanting/needing them, even if they don’t want to be with you.
Are you leaving the door open for someone you shouldn’t?
I’ve done this in all my past relationships for a period of time, whether I’ve been left or been the one to leave.
My ex used to say “the hardest decision is usually the right decision” and he was right.
The harder decision when you experience a break up with someone you still love is to cut all contact.
It’s not always possible of course, if there’s kids/dogs/property/businesses involved.
But you at least need a break, where possible, from contact and/or seeing each other.
Until that happens it’s much harder to actually kick start the real process of grieving – grieving the loss of a relationship, a future, a loss of identity, sometimes a family unit.
But you owe it to yourself and your ex to allow the grieving to start so you can learn to live your life without them, and to figure out who you are as a newly single person.
As always, if you are struggling right now to heal from a break up, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work may be able to help you.
Catcha on the less complicated flip side,
