Are you in a relationship (or friendship) where there seems to be a lot of drama that leaves you confused?
You might be dating a toxic person.
IN AN ARGUMENT THEY LOOK TO INFLICT DAMAGE NOT SOLVE PROBLEMS
They do this because they’re trying to protect themselves from a perceived threat to themselves or to the relationship.
If you’re showing signs of being independent – such as going out with your friends without them – they won’t show their vulnerability to you.
If they’re feeling insecure about your independence they’ll turn it into a fight or try to “one up” you by going out too in a way to try and make you jealous.
THEY TREAT EVERYTHING LIKE IT’S AN ATTACK
There are times when we have to chat to our partners about tricky things, like their behaviour or something that isn’t working.
A toxic partner will become immediately aggressive and defensive about this to the point where it’s hard to even have the conversation, and you might end up avoiding these kind of chats altogether.
When you’re treading on eggshells, it means you’re not able to chat openly with constructive criticism even when you deliver it in an assertive way, due to their reaction.
THEY BLAME YOU WHENEVER SOMETHING GOES WRONG
They are really good at convincing you that the problem is coming from you and will never own their part to play in an issue.
They become very good manipulators who can make you believe what they’re saying through gaslighting.
You’ll end up believing things that have nothing to do with you are your fault.
This only serves to erode your confidence and self esteem over time.
THEY SWITCH WHEN YOU’RE BROKEN
When they realise they’ve been able to break you, when you’re a crumpled crying mess on the floor, they will change to the person you fell in love with.
This is when they show you love, because for them it’s safe to do so at this point as they aren’t vulnerable anymore.
This is why toxic relationships are usually on/off with break ups, because you’ll leave and then they re-emerge as the person you fell in love with.
They feel weak when you’re strong, and strong when you’re weak.
THEY BELITTLE YOUR SUCCESS
A toxic person will be very uncomfortable with your success and try to put a dent in it through their words and actions.
They won’t celebrate your wins with you, instead brushing it off and changing the subject.
I remember this so clearly – whenever I was celebrating getting my next Australian visa or job promotion, I always found myself celebrating on my own after an argument, feeling gutted the one person I wanted to share it with wasn’t happy for me.
This is because they prefer you when you’re weak; when you have these successes they feel it’s a threat to your relationship as you’ll need them less.
They either become aggressive and vicious, or they detach.
HOW TO BREAK FREE
Last week I wrote a blog on healing codependency, which is essentially what we are talking about.
I talk about how to heal codependency in this blog so you can begin to declutter the toxic relationships in your life and start to attract amazing people from a place of self-love.
You can read it here.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to be in a toxic, codependent relationship – I’ve had two really significant ones in my life that took a long time to heal from.
Now I’m free from them, I love to share the tips that have helped me heal along the way.
I know how hard it is to break free from a love addiction – but it’s SO worth it.
Get in touch if you need support through this time, I’m here for you.
Catcha on the flip side,