Ever feel like you just want to hide away?
I felt a bit like that this morning.
**Vulnerable blog alert**
For years now I’ve been so focused and dedicated to achieving some big ass goals in my life. I grew up with the belief (which has limited me a lot in recent years) that you have to work really really really hard. I have a really strong work ethic and was really committed to my career in Corrections and mental health, until I finally had to take the leap into my biz full time because I couldn’t keep it all up without burning myself out (been there a few times I tell ya).
Last year we moved into our dream home that we built overlooking the ocean, I quit my full time job to do my biz full time, and got engaged all in the space of a few weeks.
I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Everything I’ve set goals around and chased after for years.
I’ve always known that “stuff” doesn’t make you happy, happiness comes from within. And generally I’ve always been a really happy and optimistic person.
But the last year or so there’s been this empty feeling there, and it’s been getting more and more empty.
The psychologist in me kept overanalysing that feeling, putting it on external factors.
But last week I had an “aha” moment listening to a podcast where she was talking about how everything comes back to self worth, and while I definitely take care of myself and do stuff every day for me, I realised that despite all the self development work I’ve done over the years, I’ve never really delved deep into my sense of self worth.
A few years ago when I found myself back in depression, I realised how all my self worth came from helping other people. And I realised how messed up that is and how I needed to change it. But when I came out the other side, I kinda forgot about it and got complacent (and dived right back in to focusing on helping other people).
Now I know where that empty feeling is coming from… it’s from not loving myself, not seeing myself as worthy. All this “dream life” stuff around me is only starting to amplify the fact that I don’t feel worthy of having it.
Why am I sharing this? Because I know a bunch of people reading this will be in the same space as me right now.
Now is the time for me to finally focus on this and do what I need to do to figure out where this all comes from, clear that shit up, and step into the magnificent me that I’m supposed to be (am).
I’ve embarked on “Project Self Worth” and most days I have felt relieved – like that bigger part of my soul is sighing “ahhhh FINALLY SHE GETS IT!!”
I know it won’t always be easy – this morning I didn’t want to adult after doing some deep clearing work yesterday. I let myself have a sleep in, put on my big girl pants and started using the tools and practices that I know will help get me out of a funk.
If you’re feeling like this too, I hope by reading this you won’t feel like you’re so on your own.
Much love to you xxx
