“You make me so angry!”
“The whole world is against me”
“Can’t you see how much you’ve upset me?”
“It’s her fault I’m in this mess!”
Too often we blame other people for how we are feeling, instead of taking ownership of our emotions. We point the finger at others, they did this to me, it’s not my fault!
What if you knew you were in full control of how you felt at all times?
Because, my friend – you totally are.
If this is a new notion to you, then learning to take complete responsibility for yourself will involve a whole new way of thinking. There are many things in our modern day world that teach us everything except personal responsibility – and many companies (like insurance companies) that make a tidy packet out of it.
But when you really think about it, can you consider trusting in your own ability to be able to change your emotional state at any time?
Emotions don’t “just happen” to you. Before you have an emotion, there is always a thought. As humans however, we generally learn to accept that emotions just happen to us, because of things that other people do to us.
In reality, feelings are reactions that you choose to have to any given situation. When you learn to be fully in control of your thoughts and emotions, then you will choose not to have self-defeating reactions. This leads to heightened emotional intelligence, and a sense of personal freedom – because nobody can then do anything to you, they simply do what they do, and you decide whether to let their behaviour get to you or not. This also ties in well with my previous blog on transactional analysis and conflict in relationships.
If you agree with the premise that you control your thoughts, and you agree that your feelings come from your thoughts, then the conclusion must be that you can control your feelings. After all, this is the whole basis of Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy which has been around for yonks and is very successful in re-wiring maladaptive behavioural strategies.
You really do have the power to choose what you’re thinking. For every negative thought that “pops” into your head, you can replace it with a positive thought, or choose to think of something completely different. You can even wire your thinking to manifest your dream life.
If you don’t believe what you’re reading then answer this: if you don’t control your thoughts, then who does?
It’s not possible to feel an emotion without first experiencing a thought, no matter how subconscious or instantaneous that thought may be. If you were to damage that part of your brain that is your “thinking centre”, you cannot experience emotional reactions.
The way that you think is a learned behaviour. We generally fall into the category of optimist or pessimist (some would add realist to that list also). We have been socialised to think by those around us. Whatever has been learned, can be un-learned, and re-learned. You’ve spent all the time up to now thinking in a certain way, so this change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes some time, and practice. You need to commit to this change, if it’s what you really want.
I wrote a blog recently about our primal brain, our RAS (reticular activating system), and how it believes anything we tell it. In there I spoke about ways to change our neural pathways to focus on the good sh*t in our lives instead of the bad sh*t. The techniques used are the same as learning to think differently.
Give some of these a go:
> Positive affirmations
> Change what you’re reading or watching on the TV so that it’s focused on more positive stuff – less news, trashy TV etc.
> Writing out a “new story” – pick a situation that you are currently thinking negatively about, and re-write the story, in a positively framed way
The next time you feel like saying “you make me so angry/upset/[insert emotion here], then change how you are viewing the situation – they haven’t made you feel anything. They have behaved in a certain way or taken a certain action. You have then perceived it with your own filter. You have then chosen to let that affect you in a certain way. What other outcome could you choose for yourself.
Are you ready to stop struggling through life? Are you sick of feeling like you’re stuck in survival mode? Come and join my other members who are also on their journey From Surviving To Thriving.
Catcha on the flip side 😉