I once overheard a female prisoner saying this to another prisoner and it’s stuck with me ever since. 😔
There are women out there who’ve been brainwashed, manipulated and controlled to the extent that they believe if their partner physically assaults them, they do it out of love. 💔
The cycle of trauma bonding is so real in this type of belief.
WHAT IS TRAUMA BONDING?
Contrary to what many believe, trauma bonding isn’t about bonding over shared trauma; it’s the attachment an abused person feels for their abuser, specifically in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. 🤯
A trauma bond is created due to a cycle of abuse followed by positive reinforcement, where the abuser professes their love for their partner, regret for their actions, and attempts to make the relationship feel safe and needed for the person they’re abusing.
There’s a massive power imbalance in these relationships and a cycle of reward and punishment which becomes extremely confusing for the person being abused. 😶🌫️
The person being abused will struggle in any attempt to leave their abuser as they will feel confused and overwhelmed; they will have loving feelings for the abuser and feel attached to and dependent on them.
The term “trauma bonding” was coined by Patrick Carnes, PhD in 1997.
Carnes is a specialist in addiction therapy and the founder of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) and was interested in why people bond to those who hurt them.
He defined trauma bonding as “dysfunctional attachments that occur in the presence of danger, shame or exploitation”.
He believed that trauma bonding is a way our brains handle trauma and are based on the behaviours we adapt due to a need to survive the situation we’re in.
Not all abusive relationships result in trauma bonding, so reflect on the signs and symptoms below and see if they are true for you.
Trauma bonding – signs and symptoms
- You cover up or make excuses for your partner’s behaviour
- You lie to friends or family about your partner’s abusive behaviour
- You don’t feel able to or comfortable leaving the abusive situation
- You think the abuse is your fault
- The abuse follows a cycle (punishment then reward with your partner trying to make it up to you after abusing you)
- They promise to change but never do
- They control you through manipulation or gaslighting
- They isolate you from family and friends
- They get your/their friends and family on their side
- You continue to trust them
If any of this rings true for your relationship it’s important to reach out for help.
Reach out to a trusted friend or family member if you can, or call 1800 RESPECT.
You’re welcome to reach out to me to chat too.
Relationships like this erode your sense of self and to take your power back one of the steps to take is to build up your confidence and self esteem. ❤️🩹
You can do this through psychological counselling (I recommend a therapist who’s trauma-informed), coaching and support groups for domestic violence.
I have a free playlist called Project Self Worth which I initially put together for myself to break free from abusive relationships and build my self worth. 💞
Want it?
Comment or reply LOVE and I’ll send it to you.
Sending you SO much love.
As always, if you want a guide on your journey, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
Plus come over and join my free group here.
Catcha on the flip side,
