The 5 love languages

This week I seem to be talking to a lot of my coaching clients about issues within their relationships.

My first port of call when discussing relationship challenges is to look at the 5 love languages. This is an amazing relationship book written by Gary Chapman, where he states that each of us tend to have a preferred way of communicating our love.

A blog I wrote in the past discusses the nature of Transactional Analysis in relationships where, in conflict situations, we can turn into either the parent, child or adult role. The best way to communicate is adult to adult, but often this doesn’t happen.

A great way to avoid conflict in the first place is to speak each others’ language. Do you ever feel like you may as well be speaking French, and your partner is speaking Spanish? The end result is that neither of you gets the other and you both become frustrated.

A great place to start is to figure out what your love language is, and the love language of your partner, so that you can figure out how to speak to them in a language they understand.


The 5 love languages are:

Gifts – if you love giving gifts to people to show your love for them, this may be your preferred love language.

Acts of service – people who speak this love language love doing things for other people to show their love.

Quality time – nothing better communicates “I love you” to a quality time person, as spending proper quality time with them.

Physical touch – physical touch people are very affectionate and demonstrate their love by dishing out hugs and kisses.

Words of affirmation – this person needs to be spoken to in affirming, positive ways to know that you love them.


As an example, if your primary love language is physical touch, but your partners’ is words of affirmation, then they may find you needy if you’re always going to cuddle them. Also if they aren’t hearing affirming words from you about how great you think they are, they may not feel your love. Equally if they aren’t being affectionate with you, then you may think they care less about you than they do.

A lot of relationship problems can arise when we don’t believe the other person cares about us as much as we do them, and often this boils down to simply not speaking each others language.

If this rings a bell for you I highly recommend you buy the book, and while you’re waiting for it to arrive you can take the quiz online for free to find out which love language you are (don’t assume you know as you may be surprised). Then get your partner to take the quiz, and compare your languages.

Once you know what your partners love language is, try speaking in it. So if they are quality time, then book in some time to spend together this week – and ditch the phones! If they are words of affirmation, try complimenting them or acknowledging them for what they do for you.

Give it a go and let me know how it works out for you!

If you’d like to chat with me about how I can help you through relationship coaching then contact me via this link.

If you’re looking for some support right now and want to find a supportive tribe then come and join my Facebook group, From Surviving to Thriving.

Are you ready to stop struggling through life? Are you sick of feeling like you’re stuck in survival mode? Come and join my other members who are also on their journey From Surviving To Thriving.

Learn more here.

Catcha on the flip side,



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