I saw this quote on a very old little box in a very old, very grand lodge I stayed at in Scotland recently. 🏴
“A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke” is a line that appears in The Betrothed, a poem by Rudyard Kipling.
In the poem, the speaker considers Maggie’s appearance and what she might be like at 50, and compares her to other women.
He concludes that “a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.” 💨
As a woman reading that, all kinds of thoughts popped into my head about how women have been consistently disregarded by men since the dawn of time.
As a woman working in the field of domestic abuse, I see these attitudes of male entitlement continuing to come through strongly in our society.
From the 12th to the 19th century, women were considered part of their husbands’ legal entities under a concept called coverture.
Married women weren’t allowed to own property, sue in court, or make a will.
They also had no rights to their children or bodies, and their husbands had the right to sexual access whenever they chose – even if the woman didn’t want this (rape). 😔
So many women, even now, won’t consider they’ve been raped if their partner forced or coerced them into sex if they’re in a relationship.
Over time, laws were passed to give women more rights:
- Married Women’s Property Act of 1870: Allowed women to treat their earnings as their own property
- Married Women’s Property Act of 1882: Extended the 1870 act, allowing married women to have full control over their property, enter into contracts, sue, and inherit up to £200. The act also protected women from their husbands’ debts and creditors.
- Law of Property Act of 1922: Allowed married couples to inherit each other’s property and granted them equal rights to inherit the property of intestate children
- Legislation of 1926: Allowed women to hold and dispose of property on the same terms as men 🏠
Looking at the field of psychiatry, there’s been a long history of women being labelled as hysterical or mad because they chose to be independent from men or stand up to them. 🤯
I’m reading a great book at the moment called Sexy But Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor which gives a fascinating (and angry-making) history of how women who were being “difficult” (standing up to men) were so easily chucked in an asylum and given various diagnoses.
Our history as women continues to be evident today – it may not be as obvious as it used to be, but the labels and attitudes are still very much there. 🫥
Women who speak up about this stuff are still facing men rolling their eyes at them and calling them crazy.
If a guy was acting the same way, he’d be cheered on and regarded as a hero.
If you’re a man that truly wants to help, you can make a difference too – by calling out other men when you hear them talk smack about women, when they say things like “you know what women are like” (a guy said this to me once, he may have regretted it!) 😂
If you’re a guy reading this and rolling your eyes thinking I’m making this all up, I challenge you to read this interesting article:
https://time.com/6074783/psychiatry-history-women-mental-health/
I’m not just “only” a woman.
I’m a fucking proud woman.
As always, if you want a guide on your journey, drop me a message and let’s chat about how coaching and/or energy work can help.
Plus come over and join my free group here.
Catcha on the flip side,
