Let’s stop with the small talk

I was watching this great Ted Talk on YouTube the other day where Kalina Silverman describes how she started her Big Talk project.

She talks about how life is so much more interesting when we skip the small talk.

This is something I’ve always felt too; surface level bullshit conversations do absolutely nothing for me. Nada.

You’re more likely to find me in having a deep and meaningful with someone, usually about their biggest challenge.

My friends in London used to joke that if I ever went to Glastonbury festival (which I never did go to), I could be surrounded by 100,000 people and guaranteed the person with the most fucked up issues would be stood right next to me chewing my ear off for four days, and the whole festival would pass me by.

I remember being at a house party in London once, I’d just got there with a group of mates. It was the early hours of the morning and the party was on its last legs.

My friend looked over at a guy dancing (more like shuffling) around on the D Floor on his own, and she said “that guy looks so boring!”

I told her she was being judge-y, and challenged her to walk over to him and ask him “what’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you this year?”

She was full of wine, so challenge accepted.

Half an hour later I’m still watching them talk, laughing my arse off as she seemed SO interested in what he had to say.

When she came back to our crew she was raving about this amazing story he’d told her.

There’s nothing more boring than talking about the weather or what you made for dinner last night.

Why can’t we just really get to know each other?

The more curious we can be about each other, the deeper the connections we will have.

Try asking questions like:

  • What’s on your bucket list?
  • What’s your greatest challenge?
  • What’s your biggest fear?
  • If you 100% loved, honoured, cherished and respected yourself, what would you not be doing? What in your life would be different?
  • What limiting beliefs would you like to overcome?
  • What would you tell your younger self?
  • How would you be living your life if you were your best self?
  • How do you love to be loved?
  • Where do you want to travel to before you die, and why?
  • What skill would you love to learn?
  • What’s something that overwhelms you?
  • What do you take for granted?
  • What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about yourself from your last relationship?
  • What does your ideal life look like?
  • What has been the most interesting thing that’s happened to you?
  • What’s been your biggest challenge, and how did you overcome it?
  • What are you most proud of?
  • What do you love about yourself?
  • Are you living a meaningful life?
  • What gives you a sense of meaning and purpose?

Better still… try asking yourself these same questions. Grab a journal, and answer one curious question each day.

You might discover some cool shit about yourself 🙂

Catcha on the flip side,

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