I’m reading a book at the moment which has been on my to-read list for SO long; The Body Keeps the Score by Bessell Van Der Kolk. At the moment I’m reading a section about safety and reciprocity, about how being able to feel safe with other people is “probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives”. Numerous studies have found that social support is the…
Yesterday my amazing fiancé turned 40 🥳 I’d ordered a special yummy personalised cake for him and went to pick it up on Monday. It was a stinking hot day ~ 37 degrees as I drove to get it. 🥵 As the cake maker brought it out, she looked utterly devastated and embarrassed saying due to the heat in her kitchen the cake hadn’t set properly. She said she could fix it but needed…
Most of us in life experience at least one relationship that becomes toxic for us. I’ve had my share of long term relationships that were abusive and codependent where I ended up as a shell of who I was. 😶🌫️ Leaving is hard because you’ve lost all confidence in who you are as a person. Toxic people show traits of narcissism and borderline personality disorder among other things; they have attachment issues from childhood which…
How would your life be if you truly loved, honoured and respected yourself? If you honoured your needs each day? If you lived in integrity with your values in each moment? I find this is a really useful – and often – confronting question to ask my clients, one they get pretty immediate answers to. I work with a lot of very natural “helper” types – I’m one of those too. There can…
I was listening to an amazing, inspirational podcast interview the other day on “I Catch Killers with Gary Jubelin”. Gary was interviewing Khalid Baker, who was convicted of a murder he’s always maintained he never committed. He was only 18 and went on to spend 13 years in prison. He talked about how he could have let anger consume him, but this would have led him to staying stuck. He knew the system would…
I heard on a podcast the other day, “enabling comes in many forms”. How true that is. enabler /ɪˈneɪblə,ɛˈneɪblə/ A person who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behaviour in another. I’ve spent many years in the past enabling others to continue to treat me in a certain way, or continue a certain pattern of behaviour without setting boundaries. I’ve enabled people to continue an addiction. I’ve enabled people to continue living in…